Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
