I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
