I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
