My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
