Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
