plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
