glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
