remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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