Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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