i think my tv is drunk
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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