If that was your dad, he is hot
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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