But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
