she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Drunk is a universal language darling
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
