why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
we're so committed to being not committed
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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