Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
