you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize