So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Randomize
