I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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