R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Randomize
