i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
