He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
