when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
