tell your sister to shave her snatch
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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