No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
