cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
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