Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I will pee on everything he values.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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