it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize