It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
