I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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