I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
