His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
