I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
