I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I want her autograph on my taint
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My vagina is officially offended.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
