Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dicks are not precious.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Randomize
