k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
