At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
All I want is dick and wine.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize