I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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