So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
