I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
