Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
