I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
