woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
