why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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