I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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