I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
