At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
lol hangovers are for mortals.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
