Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
it was like eating out sand paper
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize