Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I want a musical about memes.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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