She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
