I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
