You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
