plz talk dirty to me
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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