Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
i think im in europe. pls send help
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
