I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
