okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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