wanna go halves on a baby?
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
