so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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