I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
