Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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