You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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