I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
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