No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
