Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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