I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
