She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
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