hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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