do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
