She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
