just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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