I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
her facebook's as public as her vagina
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Randomize
