I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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