He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
So many bounce houses so little time
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
