my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
